My Soap Box

What do Presidents JFK, Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Roosevelt have in common? They all had ADHD. Being the parent of not one but multiple children with ADHD is a challenge I'm not sure I'll ever, EVER get on top of. Most days I feel exhausted and like a total failure, but the kicker is I'm SURE it's much more difficult for my children than for me. I have come to realize that half of my feelings of failure come from feeling like my children are expected to BE a certain way, and if they're not, they're bad kids...and it's my fault for not teaching them better.

Here are some important things that I feel people so often forget, or fail to see entirely. Number one: ADHD is a real disease with real effects. Yes, a lot of people were over-diagnosed/medicated in the early 80's and 90's. However, medication and diagnosis have changed a LOT in the last 30 years. (As most medical stuff has.) It is also quite a common disease. Just because it was a fad 3 decades ago doesn't mean it isn't real, and that those diagnosed with it are faking it or hypochondriacs.

Number 2: Don't expect kids with ADHD to act like other kids but expect great things from them. Read that line again if this is a new concept to you. I'm sooooo tired of the PRESSURE my kids are under to act like adults at the age of 5. Why do we do this to them? And it seems like the worse the ADHD symptoms, the more maturity is expected of them. They can't HELP that it's easier to concentrate when they're moving, coloring, wiggling, etc. I keep catching myself responding to the world's pressure to have perfect children and then I put it on my kids. NOT. FAIR. or practical.

Number 3: Just because they get an answer in a different way doesn't mean they are wrong. That is something cool about ADHD kids. They think outside the box. They come up with cool ideas no one else does. They can concentrate on more than one thing at a time. When ADHD is managed, a patient can use the disease to his advantage and create some cool stuff! Take Sir Richard Branson for example. He started a fortune 500 company and invented an underwater airplane. WHAT?! You know that's cool. Paul Orfalea, who started Kinko's says of ADHD that it made him "curious". He started his first business when he was 16. David Needleman, who started Jet Blue said, " with the disorder comes creativity and the ability to think outside the box. " He credits the creation of his company with his ADHD.

Number 4: There are many ways to manage it. None are completely wrong/right. There's medication, changing diet, exercise, herbs, foot zoning, essential oils, behavioral studies, the list goes on. I feel so frustrated trying to research these. Each one spends more time tearing down all the others instead of building up ideas. Creating hope. I have decided to do what works best for EACH CHILD. And that is the best I can do.
My kids usually can't sit still for more than 30 seconds. REALLY. And sometimes I can see how bad they feel about their inability to control themselves. It comes out as sudden shyness, anger, crying, crazy off-the-wall laughter. I can barely juggle my own emotions, I feel bad that I can't EMPATHIZE more with what they deal with on a second to second basis. But I can SYMPATHIZE. And so I will. I am signing off. I choose to not sign up with the world's expectation of how my children should act, be, grow up. I'm going to do what's best for them. I only ask you to try to have patience with them too. I'm sure almost every one knows a child with ADHD. I plead: make a special effort to just expect them to be them. I will end this post with a list of more incredible people who have and deal with ADHD.

Walt Disney-you know how many children this man has influenced? Michael Jordan, Prince Charles, Beethoven, Napoleon, Hitchock-famous enough that all we need is his last name, Einstien, Bill Cosby-he made ADHD brilliant and funny, and Jim Carey, Ty Pennington-who doesn't love a little HGTV?, Michael Phelps, Terry Bradshaw, and Pete Rose.
And lastly, the 3 most important on the list:

My little Brother-the funniest person I know, can diffuse the most tense moments with his humor, keeps the family together, is brilliant in school and going to be an eye doctor, has WAY more energy than humanly possible. I'm convinced he's a super hero. The kids think so too.

My Grandpa. Raised 11 kids, brilliant teacher and student, pioneered in the field of genetics, incredible missionary, and the best BOOMPA EVER. Today also happens to be his birthday.

My husband. Best daddy ever, hard worker, multi-talented; he can wire your house, fly a plane, conduct and orchestra or choir (and pick out the bad notes), play any stringed instrument like nobody's business and lots of others like somebody's business, tune your piano, and hold 40 middle schoolers' attention for 90 minutes. On top of his talents he gives the best hugs, and I still get that quivery feeling in my heart every time he comes home.

This post is dedicated to all you incredible, full of potential people who happen to have ADHD.