What David calls jud

I've never really used my blog as a place to bear my testimony before. However, the thought struck me last night that when you combine my hormones with the spirit, I wouldn't be able to bear my testimony in public in any way that someone could understand. I get a little "weepy" you see. I was pondering about the horrible no good very bad day we had yesterday, and realized how many blessings we have. So here it is: (I like lists. It helps me get everything out. If Jason ever asked me to write a poem about why I loved him, he'd get a numbered list.)

1. On trials: I just finished listening to an awesome talk from the 2005 fall conference on trials and what a blessing they really are. We've been so blessed to take a lot of leaps of faith in the last 2 years and really try our testimonies. We've had directions and promptings from the spirit that didn't make any sense. Following these promptings has been very difficult for me. I like to be able to know how everything is going to work out in the end. Some of these leaps of faith have yet to be worked out. However, we are relying COMPLETELY on Heavenly Father for everything. This in itself has been an amazing experience and wonderful blessing. I'm grateful for the opportunity to feel the spirit, to live in a country where I can act on its promptings, and to try my own faith and endurance. I'm grateful that I have a knowledge that Heavenly Father not only has a hand in my life but is completely involved and cares very much that I make it through the tough times. The decisions we've made may not make any sense to the world, or to me, but I do have a testimony that I'm where I'm supposed to be and that everything we're going through has been for our own good. It's been confirmed by the spirit so many times. took Liam to the doctor yesterday. He failed his hearing test and was borderline on his vision test. His poor little body has already been through so much. To add to this, he will start school looking different than his peers. He will be questioned and probably teased. I hate the fact that he may need a hearing aid and glasses to go with everything else. He is the best example I have of being content and happy in whatever circumstances one is put in. He is the happiest kid I know. I'm grateful to be his mother and to learn from him. It may turn out all right. He may not need a hearing aid or glasses. His spots may fade before school starts. But he will be okay with whatever because he knows Jesus loves him, and that we love him, and that he has an eternal family. He is content with that.
   
2. On having another baby: When Liam was about 2, we decided that we were done having children. After all, 4 is a perfect number. The van was full, no one had to touch anyone else, 2 boys 2 girls, perfect set up right? Everyone had a buddy. We gave away all of our baby things. Nice plan. Heavenly Father's ideas were different. After miscarrying in 2007, I realized how incomplete we were. The birth of Natalie was such a joy to us. I couldn't believe how much more complete we felt. But there was still a child missing. I felt it- but ignored it. I imagine it was somewhat like Brigham Young being directed in polygamy. I couldn't understand how I could be competent enough to care for 6 children when 5 seemed almost impossible. We finally went to the temple and prayed about it. I was prepared for a "no, you're done having children because it's the responsible thing to do in your present circumstances" answer. I was shocked however to not only get the opposite answer, that there was another child, but that he was waiting RIGHT THEN. I was more moved to strongly feel the presence of his beautiful spirit while pondering on my answer in the temple. It was later confirmed in very specific wording during 2 priesthood blessings. I am so humbled that children have been sent to me. What a blessing they are! I know having families is an important and wonderful commandment. I am so grateful to be able to experience this part of life.